ARE YOU ENVIOUS OR ENVIED?

One of benefits of  turning eighty is that you seldom feel envious anymore. Half the people you once envied are dead, and those who are still around are hanging on for dear life, coping with arthritis, glaucoma, and other physical ailments. Everyone has kids who have turned out with varying degrees of success or failure. And money doesn’t mean much if you’re in a wheelchair or in such poor health that you can’t go anywhere, except maybe to church or an afternoon matinee.

But looking back, you realize how much envy affects young people’s  lives.  When I was a child in elementary school, I had the advantage of older siblings who shared their schoolwork. That made me a pretty smart first grader, but nobody likes a kid who’s at the top of her class. Consequently, I got teased and bullied,   and didn’t realize that being teacher’s pet doesn’t make for popularity. I always thought they didn’t like me because of  my frizzy hair & crooked teeth.

During the teenage years, pretty girls are envied and gossiped about by their less attractive classmates.   I didn’t lack for boyfriends, but envied the popular girls who lived in beautiful homes,  wore fashionable clothes, and drove their parent’s expensive cars around town.    Envy and feelings of inferiority carried over from being too smart in grade school and too poor in high school.

When you’re young, you don’t realize that an envious person can make your life miserable. They can pretend to be your friend, and run you down behind your back. This is even worse if they’re  colleagues, because it can affect your career.   You keep trying to make them like you, but it won’t work, because you have something they wish they had—whether it be good looks, a happy home, a higher salary or talent.  There are a zillion ways to attract envy.

Things start getting worse in middle age.  Now you’re competing for expensive homes, professional accomplishments, and your children’s achievements. They say people who boast are basically insecure, but it’s hard to feel sympathy for a woman who brags about her brilliant CEO son, when your kid is back living at home and out of a job. 

There’s not much you can do if the green eyed monster rears its ugly head, except to know it's toxic to both the envious and the envied, alike.   Successful people have learned it’s not smart to flaunt wealth or success. Millionaires like Sam Walton drive old trucks, and Warren Buffet lives in his first house. And an affluent woman who runs for office or volunteers at a soup kitchen, had best leave her diamonds at home.