ARE SAUDI WOMEN FREE AT LAST?

On Sunday, it became legal in Saudi Arabia for women to drive.  However, most of them probably won’t because there’s a lot of red tape involved in getting a driver’s license, and Saudi  conventional wisdom is that women are mentally unfit to drive.  Wow! Talk about being out of the loop. Numerous studies from many countries show that women have far fewer traffic accidents than men.

Remember when your teenage children finally got their driver’s license, and you no longer had to chauffeur them everywhere, at all hours of the day and night?  One of the happiest days of my life was when all three of my children could finally drive.  I would think Saudi men would feel a tremendous relief now that women can  drive their kids to school, shop, and run all the many errands that women in other countries have been doing for a century.

But at least it’s a step in the right direction.  Maybe someday, they will change the dress code.  I don’t know about you,  but I get a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach when I see a woman dressed in black from head to toe on a hot summer day, with  her face covered, except for her sad eyes peering out at the rest of the world where women are free.    Worse yet, you realize that this woman is probably married to a first cousin, because the only way she can meet men is at private family gatherings.  All of this inbreeding results in  high rates of rare genetic disorders like sickle cell anemia and Thalassemia.  Statistics show that  Saudi women are 13 times more likely to bear a child with a genetic disorder than women in other countries.   I know, it’s all part of their culture and it’s their own business—I guess.  But  my heart goes out to the women and girls in that country. 

ARE WE ON THE VERGE OF CIVIL WAR?

Remember the Chicago Riots?  If you are under 40, you hadn’t even been born.  When I hear younger  people say they’re worried about this country breaking out in Civil War, it’s probably because they don’t realize what tough times we survived 40 years ago.

The riots, following Martin Luther King's assassination,  resulted in 20 people dead and 500 injured. There were 125 fires, 210 buildings destroyed, and 2,000 people arrested  in Chicago alone, before the violence extended to Washington DC,  New York City and 60 cities, altogether.  If you were around then, you  felt as if  the country was falling apart.  Many young men moved to Canada and never returned.  It was a terrifying time—Robert Kennedy was assassinated, and the Vietnam War was tearing this nation apart.  In the early 70's,  there were protests  and race riots in every city and state, and college campus. 

So now,  the political climate  seems to many  like everything is worse than it’s ever been.  Name calling, vulgarity, protests, riots.   The crisis at the border.  Affordable care.  Racial profiling, Tariff’s. North Korea.  #MeToo.  But for those of us who remember the late 60’s  and the violent domestic explosions in the early 70’s  it’s deja vu. 

Think of all the people you encounter during the day.  Most of them are civil and polite.  Yes, political disagreements  are more divisive than ever now,  but I would bet that sane, courteous, thoughtful,  people  still comprise what used to be called the “silent majority."  It's nothing new to fear speaking out about controversial issues.

Since that time, we have lived through assassinations, wars in the middle east, recessions,  more race riots, and the worst attack our country has ever been through on 9/11 . So here we are again at the crisis point. But. I believe that  we  share  more values and common ground uniting us than tearing us apart.   I don’t think we will have a civil war.  This nation will remain strong and we will survive.

Read my new blog, Living Well After 80 @ livingwellafter80.com

FORGIVENESS & THE KINDNESS OF STRANGERS

The other day, I had a mind slip.  Thinking about a roof leak, I distractedly moved forward out of turn at a 4 way stop sign. A second later, realizing what I had done,  I cringed with remorse, waiting for a loud blast from the other driver’s horn, at the very least. But he simply waited for me to go on, and didn’t even roll down his car window and yell at me.  Such an incident might have triggered an act of road rage in a big city, but fortunately, my fellow driver was a kindly person, who perhaps realized I’d had a temporary brain freeze.

On another occasion, I approached a checkout lane at the Dollar Store with some products on the conveyor belt, but no customer in sight. Since I had just 3 items, and my husband was waiting in the car, I proceeded toward the cashier. But just as I was checking out, the missing person came up behind me, and loudly berated me for not waiting while she went to the back of the store for a forgotten item.

One person was kind and forgiving, the other wasn’t.  I can tell you that even though the manager came over and apologized, the bad karma generated by this woman's vitriolic attack left me in an all day funk.  For hours,  I chastised myself for my inconsiderate action, until my husband finally convinced me it was just a simple mix up, and there was no reason for me to feel so guilty.

But the kindly person who forgave my stupidity at the stop sign actually made my day.  If I met him, I might learn that he volunteers at a soup kitchen or acts as a caregiver for his ailing wife.

Other simple acts of kindness make the world seem a better place—when I’m lost in an unfamiliar town, the stranger at a gas station who goes out of his way to lead me to my destination.  The little child who runs up behind me in a parking lot  to tell me I dropped my credit card. 

Whether it’s forgiving a stranger for a mistake, or going out of your way to help a fellow human being,  the kindness of strangers  offers a ray of hope for a return to civility,  instead of the vicious rhetoric dividing our nation today.

DISGUSTING COMMERCIALS--THE PRICE WE PAY TO WATCH TELEVISION

No, I’m not talking about your monthly cable bill.  Nor how much you paid for all the television sets throughout your house.  I'm talking about the annoying advertisements we must endure in order to see our favorite shows.

Off hand, here are two  commercials that we've awarded top groanworthy ratings.

1.“We know a thing or two because we’ve seen a thing or two”.  This is an insurance ad and we’ve probably seen it a hundred times.  Once, we decided not to watch a movie with that same actor who drums out those same words, week after week.  We’re tired of looking at him, and we never want to hear his voice again.

2. The digestive tract ad, where you see a sort of naked looking girl with kinky hair prancing around wearing a  flesh colored body suit,  with her large and small intestines drawn in living color.  Yes, we can turn off the sound, but we still have to see that disgusting GI tract.  As many times as I’ve seen this victim of stomach upset, I honestly cannot recall the name of the product being advertised.  By the time they get to the nitty gritty, I’m too grossed out.

Last night we saw one that may move up to the top of the list.  In the first scene,  we see a beautiful blonde sitting on the toilet  Then, just so we know it’s not gender specific, they switch scenes to a young man sitting on a toilet with a grimace on his face.  Well of course, it’s all about constipation.  Just what we want to hear before the evening news.  It probably won’t be long until they show someone’s nice soft feces.  Yuck!

Then, all the irritating prescription drug commercials for every medical condition you could ever have.  I suppose they wouldn’t show them if they didn’t help sell their products.  But personally, I would not ask my doctor to write a script for some drug I saw on TV.  Seems like that would be telling him how to do his job, and a bit insulting. 

Thank heaven the spring primaries are over.  By election day, I’d seen so many candidates ripping each other to shreds that I couldn't have voted for any of them.  

LOVE'S MORE COMFORTABLE THE SECOND TIME AROUND

Remember that old Frank Sinatra song, LOVE IS LOVELIER THE SECOND TIME AROUND? 

But is it? For anyone contemplating a second marriage, the statistics aren’t very encouraging:  First marriage divorce rate 50%; second marriage, 67%; third marriage; 74%.  Makes you wonder why anyone would bother getting married at all, especially now that living together is not frowned upon as it used to be. 

And yet, young people continue to go to the altar, especially twenty somethings.  Unfortunately, most of them have no  idea what they’re getting into.  Living in someone’s apartment for a few years may convince you that you do, but that carefree life all changes when reality sets in.  Married people are expected to have good jobs, and keep them.  They’re supposed to buy a home and raise a family.  In other words, marriage  suddenly thrusts  more responsibility on a formerly carefree couple,  and not everyone is mentally or emotionally equipped to handle that.  Tempers flare more frequently now.  Coping with a sick child, unemployment,  health problems,  and all the worries of adulthood may lead to disillusionment, arguments, and sometimes depression.  Many women marry for status and security only to find they don’t like the sex part of marriage.  Younger married couples often have no shared interests except children.  One may be an avid sports fan, while the other prefers the arts.   Most unhappy married couples stay together for the sake of the children, which is probably why they last longer than subsequent marriages.

But here’s what’s good about second marriages. You know what you really want in a spouse--often someone quite different than your first one. And since you're more likely to be marrying for love and companionship, rather than establishing a home and raising a family, you're more apt to be sexually compatible. 

You also have learned to be more tolerant of each other’s shortcomings, and you pick your battles.  A dented fender on a new car may cause a major conflict in a first marriage, but by the time you’ve remarried, you’re not in the mood to get worked up about things that don’t really matter. You've learned  how to bite your tongue instead of lashing out when you have disagreements, and settle things in a more mature way. 

 

Marriage will always be a gamble, but if you can manage to do a better job of choosing a spouse the second time around, you’re likely to be much happier than you’ve ever been in your life.

WHY SOME BRIGHT KIDS DROP OUT OF COLLEGE

Numerous studies show that in the long run, a college degree guarantees a higher income.  Why, then, are so many students dropping out of college?

Lately, I’ve talked to some bright young people who dropped out because they can make so much money in one of the many  jobs  available today that don’t require a college degree.   They are leery of spending four years of their young lives, only to face decades of paying off student loans before buying a house, getting married, or starting a family.

Fifty years  ago, college degrees were extremely important if you wanted to enjoy a comfortable life style. Many of us got through school on a shoe string, paying tuition as we went long, maybe dropping out for a year to save some money.  Also, you could get some credits taking night classes and working during the day. Student loans were unheard of.  Maybe you didn’t land your dream job the minute you graduated, but at least you were debt free.  That sounds like a fantasy to today’s college graduates, many of whom will be paying off student loans for years to come. 

Okay, back to the college drop outs.  Are they destined for a life of poverty?  According to the Bureau of Labor statistics,  there are plenty  of jobs paying  $60,000 to $90,000 a year that don’t require a college degree.   If you don’t care about living in San Francisco or New York City. that kind of income will buy you a modern  house, a new car, and a good life here  in flyover country. That’s enough for a lot of intelligent young men and women, who don’t want  a high pressure job that requires long hours  and the constant stress of “keeping up with the Jones.”  Rather than luxury cruises,  they’re content to vacation on lake shores, or  in state and national parks with their kids. 

The simple life can be a very  sweet, indeed.

HELP! WE'RE DROWNING IN PLASTIC

When I return from shopping at the supermarket, I may have five or six bags for $30 worth of items.  Paper goods, fresh fruit, cleaning supplies, frozen foods---each and every category is given its own separate bag. In our laundry room, we have a small mountain of plastic bags piled up for recycling somewhere, but most places don’t want them.  Walmart has a big barrel for leftover bags, but of course, you have to remember to bring them with you on the few occasions you drive to that store on the highway.

Some cities and towns are banishing plastic bags, thus forcing citizens to bring their own cloth bags.  Several foreign countries have banned the use of plastic bags, but the USA turns a blind eye to this blight on our environment.  Lord knows, most of us have a huge collection of cloth bags from every event we’ve attended in the past ten years where they’re giving them away.  Some people actually spend money on them, but really, you don’t have to.

One store that forces me to think ahead is Aldi’s. It’s way across town, so I don’t go there often, but when I do, I somehow have the foresight to bring along cloth bags, because Aldi’s charges for shopping bags and if you’re a frugal person like me, you aren’t about to pay for bags when  you have piles of them at home.  If you watch people bagging their own stuff at Aldi’s, you notice they aren’t as picky about separating products. Usually, it’s more about putting some heavy things at the bottom, and lighter weight things at the top, which means you might mix canned goods, laundry detergent, and lettuce, God forbid.

Have you seen the islands of plastic that are collecting in the ocean to clog up our waters for the next million years?  It’s scary, and totally unnecessary.  I wish my city or state would banish the use of all plastic bags, and make me do the right thing.

ORAL CONTRACEPTIVES FOR MEN

According to recent reports in Time magazine, scientists have been testing a new male birth control pill.  This will make women very happy?  I'm not sure.

The problem is that these pills have the same kind of side effects women have experienced with oral contraceptives. Nasty things like mood swings, bloating, depression, loss of libido,etc.  Here's the thing, women have been putting up with fluctuating hormone levels forever and a day.  The cramps, headaches,  depression, and all the nasty symptoms of the monthlies.  So, the side effects of the birth control pills actually weren't any worse than what they've gone through every month since puberty.

Now, scientists developing the new pill believe that men will take these same side effects in stride.  I would doubt that, because they never had to endure these uncomfortable symptoms before, and we women know how some men are babies when it comes to physical discomfort.

Also, the pills lower a man's testosterone levels.  Personally, I always enjoyed my man's testosterone.  It inspired him to bring me flowers, send me cards, and make love to me on starry nights. 😍 Do  women really want a "not tonight dear" kind of man?

Something else: a man's fertile years may be  double that of women.  The oldest man on record to father a child was 94 years old!  So, a sexually active man may have to be on birth control pills for most of his life.

Worse yet, I'm not sure women want to rely on a man's assurance that he's on the pill.  If he forgets to take the pill, she pays the price--not him.  I suppose if you are in a very stable, committed relationship it might work.  But what about temporary relationships or one night stands?  In the old days, most women didn't have casual sex very often for fear of pregnancy.  Are they now going to trust the stranger they hook up with at the airport when he says he's on the pill?  I don't think so.

COOL AS A CUCUMBER SMOOTHIE

When it comes time for lunch, my husband and I go in different directions.  He prefers a sandwich and chips, while I love a cool smoothie and a few wheat crackers, Usually,  I start with Greek yogurt, then throw in three or four handfuls of  grapes, oranges, bananas, strawberries—whatever was on special at the supermarket.

But every so often, I want something different. Lately, I remembered the marvelous cool soups I’ve ordered in nice restaurants over the years.  Cream of asparagus  and cucumber were two of my favorites.  So, why not combine the veggies for a unique flavor?  First, I snipped the ends from 6 asparagus spears and microwaved them for two minutes. Then, I peeled and cubed about a third or maybe half a cucumber.

The yogurt goes in the blender first, then the chopped asparagus and cucumber, topped with 1/2 teaspoon of dill and 1/4 wedge of a peeled lemon.  Salt can be added to taste, or not, if you’re on a low sodium diet.  A minute or two in the blender, and my delicious cool lunch is ready to serve!  Some people might want to add a little garlic or onion, but I’ll leave that to your discretion (depending on any close encounters you anticipate).

 Here’s my recipe, but it won’t hurt if you use more or less of anything.

Creamy cucumber asparagus smoothie:

1/ 2 cup Greek yogurt

1/3 peeled, chopped cucumber

6 cooked asparagus spears

1/2 teaspoon dried dill

1/4 peeled fresh lemon

Puree ingredients in  blender for a minute or two, pour in a pretty glass, grab a few crackers, and have lunch on the

front porch while you smell the roses.

Easy, low calorie, nutritious, and satisfying. Enjoy! 😊

WILL YOUR DRIVER'S LICENSE FLY?

Am I one of the few people who just heard about gold star 🌟 drivers' licenses? Apparently, most everyone knows that in October of 2020, you will need one if you want to get on an airplane. 

A lot of folks are starting to panic about what you must have to get a Real ID, indicated by a star in the upper right hand corner of your driver's license.  Indiana BMV printed a list of about 30 things you might use to get this ID: a W2 form, social security card, voter's registration, passport, birth certificate, utility bills etc. Since my license was about to expire,   I spent about a week compiling a bunch of stuff. With a folder full of paperwork, I arrived at the license bureau wondering if I'd brought enough documentation.  Apparently, I had a lot of company, because I saw other people with manila envelopes and file folders full of papers.   

The agent who waited on me seemed about as friendly as a hungry bulldog.  I suppose he’s sick to death of dealing with all this confusion and extra paperwork.  It turned out, I needed only three things to get the new license: passport, voter’s registration, and social security card. Since I haven’t worked for years, I was able to use my social security W2 form as proof of my number.  Those three documents , and my old license got me through the process as fast as dealing a deck of cards.  What I did not like was the new ruling about the pictures.  You can’t show your teeth when you smile, and have to lift your bangs to reveal your eyebrows.  The resulting mug shot makes me look so grim that I’m hoping no one ever sees it.

The irony of it is, I’m  so fed up with flying that I may never need this special ID.  But at least I know that if there’s some emergency forcing me  to stuff myself  into a crowded airplane,  my 🌟 license will fly.

HACKERS, IDENTITY THEFT & THE IRS

Saturday started out to be a beautiful day. The sun was shining as I walked to the mailbox at the end of our driveway that morning. Sifting through the junk mail as I walked toward the house, my heart skipped a beat when I saw a letter  from the IRS.  No, we didn’t have a refund coming, so it wasn’t a welcome sight.  Who wants to receive a letter from those guys? I ripped open the envelope before I even got inside the house and slowly lowered myself into a chair.

Dear Taxpayer, it began.  Then went on to say they needed to verify our identity before processing our tax return.  This did not sound good.  Was it a sneaky way to tell us we were being audited?  We were given 30 days to reply to this letter “4883C”  by phone or mail. First, I would need to gather various documents, including the previous 2 years tax returns. (Thank you, God, we don’t do our own taxes).  We’ve used the same accountant for 30 years, but the letter said we couldn’t ask him to handle this for us; we had to do it ourselves..  

I put the letter down and dialed the toll free number, but of course, they said they were closed on weekends. This would give me two days to stew about it, even though my husband wasn’t concerned.  I did what I always do at times like this; got on the net and keyed in 4883C IRS letter. There were lots of links, and most of them said the same thing. This letter does not mean you are in trouble.  Good, that calmed me down a bit.

Finally, this morning, I called a very pleasant women in Texas.  After I gave her all the information she needed, she sweetly informed me that someone had stolen our identity, filed a tax return before we did, and received a tax refund.  That sounded like something to worry about, like it or not, but she assured me we weren’t responsible for the fraudulent payment.

Now comes the curiosity phase. How do identity thieves scam the  IRS?  Apparently,there is a window of opportunity for hackers in January, because employers don't have to file W2 forms until the end of Jan.  So, the identity thieves create fake W2 forms before that time (in our case, Jan. 23) and file returns, and scurry  away with their refunds before anyone is the wiser.  Our accountant says it happens all the time and costs the IRS  billions.   But now we have this creepy feeling that someone has way Too Much Information about us. Yikes!

LOVING GRANDPARENTS ARE A RARE TREASURE

This post will not be a tribute to my own loving grandparents, because I didn’t have any.  My maternal grandmother died  in rural Indiana when my  mother was thirteen.   Mother went away to school, and at age 21,  married my father in Chicago while she was attending musical college--much to the chagrin of my paternal grandparents.  They didn’t like her,  and so naturally, she didn’t like them. As a result, we seldom saw my father’s parents except for brief visits every few years.  My father’s brother lived across the street from them, and his children were the ones they cared about.  My widowed, paternal  grandfather lived on a farm with my uncle’s family of four children, so those were his “real” grandchildren.  I don’t remember any of my grandparents sitting down and talking to me or showing the slightest interest in me or my life.

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So, I do have grandparent envy when my husband talks about the wonderful relationship he had with his grandparents in Nebraska.  If you read his book, A Preacher Called Sinn, you will understand what a profound effect their love had on his childhood.  During the depression, his parents were under stress, afraid of losing their farm, and consequently home life was fraught with tension. But my husband had a safety net—he could go across the road and enjoy the unconditional love of “Grandma Alice and Grandpa Will."

Grandparents living nearby can serve as back up parents, compensating for the occasional lapse in parenting skills  on the part of their own children.   And even if they don’t live nearby, faraway grandparents can still offer loving support in the way of phone calls, special family trips together, visits, birthday and Christmas cards, and even social media.

In Hillbilly Elegy, the author J. D. Vance writes of a tumultuous childhood with a drug addicted mother, and divorced parents.  The only thing that saved him was the knowledge that his grandparents would always be there for him.   Who knows what your grandchildren will accomplish in life because of the love you’ve given them.

ACTIVISTS PROTEST WHILE FARMERS PRAY FOR RAIN

Although my husband and I live in the city, we have an acre of land, and are surrounded by farmland.  As we drove past thirsty cornfields on the way to the cemetery on  Memorial Day, we thought about the anxious farmers who planted those fields. You see, my husband grew up on a farm in Nebraska, and my grandfather owned a farm in Indiana. And even though I lived in big cities like Chicago and Miami for a couple of decades, I never forgot the importance of rain.

Over the weekend, I read a fascinating book written by activist Cecile Richards, and it occurred to me that perhaps it offered an explanation of the great divide between big city liberals and heartland conservatives.   In general, people in flyover country don’t really have the time to devote their lives to activism.  They’re too busy producing the food that appears miraculously in New York and LA supermarkets for the people who live in high rise apartment buildings, and never have to  worry about mowing their lawns.

I thought about this last night while I was cleaning up my garden.  It finally rained,  so I could stop watering the flowerbeds and grass, and get to work.  I broke a pretty good sweat while down on my knees, tugging on weeds in the good, moist soil while my activist sisters in big cities were busy planning protests and hoping it wouldn't rain.  Here in the heartland,   people don’t have their heads in the clouds, they’re literally more down to earth.

I am not saying that’s good or bad; and I'm not defending either side of the political spectrum,  but it may explain the difference in the mindset of  middle America vs the east and west coasts.  Of course, we have our share of liberals and activists, especially on college campuses everywhere in the United States.  But generally speaking, people in small cities and towns in the Midwest  are more focused on just making a living and getting by, and yes, praying for rain.